I Know What Verbal Abuse Is . . .

and over the past few days, the media have shown us that some of today's advertisers seem to know what verbal abuse is too.

In the Washington Post earlier today, a column appears regarding Rush Limbaugh's verbal attack on Georgetown University student Sandra Fluke, who testified on behalf of women everywhere regarding contraception. 

No matter your religious or political views, Ms. Fluke was entitled to appear as any U.S. citizen should be to voice her opinions regarding women's health care.

Unfortunately, Ms. Fluke became the object of verbal abuse rendered by an unbounded vitriolic flow from Rush Limbaugh, radio talk show host.  His words were so strong and hurtful to women in general that they will not be repeated here.

Several of Limbaugh's advertisers immediately began pulling their support for his program.  Limbaugh decided an apology was in order, one which to my ears sounded self-serving and which Ms. Fluke rejected.

As a victim of verbal abuse in my childhood, I wanted to speak out here about the impact of any form of verbal abuse -- marital, parental, educational, religious, and I could go on.  In my situation, I experienced parental verbal abuse in the words my mother used to control me.  Yes, it was painful, and yes, it scarred me.  But the scars are hidden from clear sight -- no one knows they are there but me.

And like Rush Limbaugh, each time my mother's words seared my soul and left me feeling smaller than small she came with hugs and kisses and apologies.  Over and over again.  I soon learned not to believe her apologies as they were so disingenuous, like Limbaugh's to Ms. Fluke.  I decided I'd rather keep the scars.

“It has been said, 'time heals all wounds.' I do not agree.
The wounds remain.  In time, the mind, protecting its sanity, covers
them with scar tissue and the pain lessens. But it is never gone.”
― Rose Kennedy

Wonderfully Made!

Today on Heart to Heart with Holley author and blogger, Holley Gerth, wrote on this same topic (Holley's blog).  Her words captured my eyes and drew me in closer and closer to see exactly what she was going to share.  You see Holley started with those labels we all check on items we purchase, and I couldn't quite understand where she was headed.

Then, as Holley always does, her writing explodes and there it is!  Holley was talking about how wonderfully God had made each of us.  I have a hard time remembering sometimes that God made me, especially when I examine in great detail the flaws that I see or that others kindly, or not so kindly, point out to me.  But He did wonderfully make me, flaws and all!  The joyous part of this story is that He loves me, flaws and all.  Isn't that just the greatest?  Flaws and all doesn't deny me the right to consider myself wonderfully made by my Heavenly Father. 

I cannot for one minute improve on the quote from Max Lucado or the words Holley quotes from her book, God's Heart for You: Embracing Your True Worth as a Woman.  But what I can share with you is that part of my life story deals with a time when I felt no worth at all, beginning early in my childhood.  All self esteem was stripped away, and I grew up believing I had done everything wrong.  Worthless!  No good!  Ungrateful!  These are just some of the words that resounded in my ears and memories.  Yet I had been learning about God at church and in Sunday School, and finally He made progress teaching me that I was worth a lot to H im, that I was a good girl and later a good woman, and that He knew gratitude lived within me, and much, much more!  Such freedom is unbelievable wheny you've felt imprisoned by invisible scars of emotional and verbal abuse.

If you ever doubt, if you ever forget, think on these words and remember you are wonderfully made!

Image found at http://www.joyfulexpressions.us/HTML/CustomDesignsForYou.htm

Those Eyes, That Hair!

Mom was a pretty woman in many ways -- gorgeous wavy auburn hair which lightened as she grew older, beautiful green eyes, and petite for most of her life.  I'm nothing like her having taken after my dad's side of the family.  However, within that beauty was another persona that came to life at the strangest of times.

Here she is walking down Church Street in Nashville, TN, not long after I was born, likely spring 1946.  She is on the right carrying me, and with her is her sister.  I'm told a street photographer made this picture and didn't charge them anything for it!  The expression you see on mom's face is typical -- despite her beautiful features she didn't seem to always find a way to smile.

I mentioned earlier about her beautiful green eyes.  As soon as I was able to relate her eyes to behavior, I knew the signals.  If she was happy, those beautiful eyes sparkled like emeralds.  If she was angry, flashes of fire could be seen in the midst of the green.  That's when I learned to back away quickly and to run where I couldn't hear or see her.  When those eyes flashed, it meant something had happened that didn't please her and no manner of explaining or trying to make it up would work.  As a child, I often didn't know what triggered this sudden change in behavior.

This morning, preparing for church, I was brushing my hair and was reminded of the numerous times she would lay across the bed and hang her long auburn hair down for me to brush.  These are some of my most cherished moments with her because usually the entire experience ended without incident.  I came away feeling that I had done my best for once, that she loved me in that moment, and I was left with a warm and fuzzy glow.  That doesn't mean it lasted the rest of the day or the week, but in that moment I felt the woman with the beautiful eyes and the lovely hair truly loved me. 

We should remember that our actions and our words toward others truly have a deep and often scarring impact.  Internal scars are never seen, but they are there and they are painful.  My memories like this one keep those scars from surfacing and bringing pain.  I always try not to hurt others with words or actions because I know the pain that results and the longlasting impact.

A person might have to suffer even when it is unfair, but if he thinks of God and can stand the pain, God is pleased.  1 Peter 2:19 (NCV)